Whether it is to a wedding, a dinner party, shower or gala event, an invitation comes with some important obligations. Here’s a quick guide to keep you on the guest list.

1. RSVP

From the French term, meaning “Répondez, s’il vous plaît which is nicer than “respond soon or I’m never inviting you again”. Kidding, but yes. The sooner the better when it comes to your RSVP. Within a day or two of receiving an invitation is best.

2. How do I respond? Reply in the manner indicated on the invitation.

  • RSVP and no response card: a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope.
  • Response Card: fill in and reply by the date indicated.
  • RSVP with phone number: phone the host and speak in person if possible.
  • RSVP with email: you may accept or decline electronically. If you are unable to make it, give a short reason for your absence.
  • Regrets only: reply only if you cannot attend. If your host doesn’t hear from you, you are expected.

3. Change of plans?

  • Changing a ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ is only acceptable in the event of an emergency.
  • Canceling because you have a “better” offer can get you into hot water.
  • Being a “no show” is a sure fire way to get dropped from ALL the guest lists.
  • Changing a ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ is OK only if you get the approval from the host prior to arriving.

4. “May I bring so and so??”

An invitation is extended to the people the hosts want to invite—and no one else.

  • …a date. Some invitations indicate that you may invite a guest or date (Ms. Karen Coons and Guest) and when you reply, you should indicate whether you are bringing someone and give their full name.
  • …my children. If they were invited, the invitation would have said so and please do not make a big deal of this! (especially for a wedding).
  • … my houseguest. It’s best to decline the invitation, stating the reason. This gives your host the option to extend the invitation to your guests or not.